How Lockdown Changed My Relationship with My Mum

AD | This post is an advertisement feature with My Picture, but all thoughts are my own.

The past 6 months have been about change. I have been learning and discovering new things about myself, my friends and my family. It is through the hours of time at home, alone with my own thoughts, that I have been confronted with the parts of my life and personality, that have thus far, been 'swept' under the metaphorical carpet. As humans, it is in our nature to do what we need to cope and survive in the easiest way possible. I had neglected the parts of my life that needed and deserved my attention. From my own journey with anxiety and depression, to my ever-evolving relationship with my mum. 

The tv show Gilmore Girls, paints a picture of an idealistic single mother/daughter relationship between the show's protagonists Rory and Lorelai, that many real-life single mother/daughter relationships fail to live up to. The show is a guilty pleasure of mine and no matter how much I try to tell myself otherwise, I can't help but long for. However, my life growing up with a single mother was very different! My mum is one of the hardest-working women I have ever known. She is smart, independent and strong. However, where she thrives in reason and intellect, she lacks in emotional vulnerability and tactile gestures. In other words, my mum is great for life advice or help with a DIY project, however, it is not often, if at all, that I will hear the words "I love you" or will we share a warm embrace. 

As I mature into a fully fledged adult myself, piecing together this puzzle called life, I have become more forgiving of my mum's flaws. Through careful thought, conversations with friends and my therapist, it has become clearer over the years, that I cannot expect a fairytale when it comes to my relationships with people. I should be more flexible, forgiving and understanding of people's life journey's, whilst maintaining my own personal boundaries (in the same way I hope others would do for me). In other words, learning to trust in the fact my mum loves me, without her having to say it. 

It is through this forgiveness and willing to negate the past, in order to mend the present, that I am able to begin the journey to our new, adult, mother-daughter relationship. This started during lockdown, where we began a new tradition that brought us together both physically and mentally - a weekly dinner. Each week, one of us cooks a meal and the other prepares dessert. This alternates each week. It is a set time we get to dine together, catch up and then watch something on tv. We flick between genres of food and film. Where Caribbean food was paired with the National Theatre's Small Island, sausage and mash was paired with a documentary about Josephine Baker. It is through these weekly exchanges, that I began to open up, seeking advice from my mum, sharing concerns and finding out a bit more about my estranged family. 

As I mentioned previously, this blog post is in collaboration with My Picture, so I decided to use the opportunity to create some lovely artwork of my mum and I. I had a framed photo created, along with this gorgeous star map from the date and time of my birth - the moment we became mother and daughter!

This journey is ongoing and is still nuanced. Some weeks are better than others, depending on what mental space we both occupy at that time. However, I believe the beauty is in the desire to connect, no matter what form that takes. 

What I hope, is that if you are reading this article, it is because you relate somewhat to a "tricky mother/daughter relationship" and have found some comfort, consolement or inspiration from my story. I would love to continue this conversation, so please do leave a comment below or DM me on Instagram. 

Thank you to My Picture for sponsoring this blog post. Use code EBONIIVORY10 for an additional 10% off all products from My-Picture.co.uk.

Eb x

tags:Home,Homeware,Mental Health